When I look at the photo of the documents seized from somewhere in the Palm Beaches, the first thing I notice is the carpet. I grew up living in a restaurant and I’d know that pattern anywhere. It’s the institutional look you get when you’re trying to design a pattern that absolutely won’t show the Diet Coke syrup or the Big Mac “Special Sauce”. It just stands up and screams impersonal, boring, utilitarian. It can immediately transport you to any Holiday Inn lobby from the 1970s. Considering the current buy-in price for Mar A Lago membership is $250,000, you’d think they could do a little better.
It’s possible that everyone was just lulled into complacency by the carpeting and in a vain attempt to give it character, threw whatever was at hand down on the floor to cover it up. The inventory of items seized was pretty impressive. Pages upon pages of documents, newspaper clippings, magazines, full folders, empty folders and probably a few bright red Extra Large fries sleeves. This was suprising because I didn’t know most magazines still had printed versions. Notably, the inventory didn’t mention if these clippings included words or were just pictures of, um , someone.
In one corner of the photograph there seemed to be a box containing quite a few Time Magazine framed pictures of you-know-who. None were as imposing as the fake Time cover that hung in at least five overhyped golf clubs, but still. Time ceased to do any relevant reporting eons ago but still has a hefty line of business in ego walls.
Apparently quite a bit of the material seized belonged to the people of the United States. Items marked “Confidential”, “Secret” and “Top Secret” were strewn around on the floor like so many unpaid bills. I don’t know what all the fuss is about. Confidential is stuff you tell the receptionist at your hair salon. Secret is what you tell your favorite colorist and Top Secret is saved for the guy cutting your hair. If the papers were really that important, you’d probably need a decoder ring to figure them out--and the designation would be FOR YOUR EYES ONLY like in the James Bond movie.
You’ve got to wonder what the attorneys were thinking when they told the National Archives that all the privileged documents had been returned. When they were questioned on this topic, their reply was “Oh, we didn’t know you meant the ones we had to step around every time we visited.”
According to those close to the action, the FBI arrived wearing Dockers’ Khakis that were nowhere near the style level required for the exclusive membership. Especially vexing was the polo shirt logo which was a pair of swinging handcuffs hanging over a line reading FBI Search and Seizure Team.
The Justice Department was very closed lipped about where they’d gotten the information about the files remaining at Mar A Lago, but coincidentally, a report appeared that Ron DeSantis had been spotted dropping a burner phone into a trash can outside 1100 South Ocean Boulevard .